Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
