I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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