I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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