you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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