Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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