Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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