I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize