So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
