I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
