you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
