I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
