"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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