So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
