Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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