the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
