Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
