Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
