He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
