yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
