Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
