I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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