What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
