did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
