he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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