The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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