bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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