i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
