I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Bring me that man meat
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
