i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
