I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize