Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
