he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
