I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
