It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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