i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
