When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
