I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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