Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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