Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
