does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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