So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
