we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
