I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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