eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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