so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
