Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
