I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
