I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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