i was born a porn star she said
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
