O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
