how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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