First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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