He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
