there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
