I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My vagina is officially offended.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
