i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
