have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
