he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize