Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
