clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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