Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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