Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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