I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
