I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
false alarm, still single
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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