Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
