as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Of course I have a pirate flag
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
