oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
