We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
