fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
