Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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