Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
