We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
